It's a whole different ball game to be where I am after having relationships of meaning. I know it's harder without that perspective. There are loads of blessings in single life I couldn't understand before.
It's so so good, amazing and very hard to give words to the peace & perfection in being happy with myself and only myself. Whole. Uninterrupted by the cares of another's expectation of me. I've never been happier...certainly not with someone. Never so confident or driven. Never so secure that the goals I have are worthwhile & won't be put on hold, because I'm excited to nurture them into greatness unimpeded by the direction a man has in mind for my life!
The most pivotal change in my contentment came in a tiny moment leaving a movie theater with a simple question...
"If you never were to get that which you desire most, how will life be blessed & fulfilled?" I realized sometimes we put our biggest goals and aspirations on the hinge of something completely out of our control. God knows the desires of our hearts, we needn't keep them on our minds. We are free to then find our happy & in that place... you'll know when you're there, there are no questions, no "is this it?"... we find that our single goodness is SO good. It's easy to trust if the uncontrollables are meant to be, they will be... and that alllll the little things have become the big things. The things you build a life around, the things that drive you & give fresh breath to everyday!
It's then that learning about ourselves becomes thrilling.
We are free to love ourselves, to own our faults & to keep loving our beautiful, imperfect, spunky, strong, femine selves & when we love like that we will not tolerate relationships that offer any less, because we have the very best thing going already!
The even cooler byproduct of this is that not only are we not seeking another...when a possibility comes, we recognize this same love of self in him & if he doesn't have that, the desperation is glaringly obvious, a total turn off. We know we can't fill what they are missing because they are restless yet in their skin.
If nearly ever single male who is slightly attractive sparks a, "Hmmm?"...KEEP GOING in single, don't pause & absolutely DO NOT STOP. I'm convinced that as the "Hmmm" fades, the real worthwhile ones will spark an, "Ah-Ha!"
It's simply put:
I love cheesecake. I used to eat any old cheese cake, often... because it's so good. Then. I had Juniors cheesecake from New York. I didn't eat cheesecake for years after I had that because I knew it wouldn't compare. It becomes like that! You want nothing from meeting another except possibly what you can learn to become even better by knowing them, and you want to give of yourself. Not because it keeps people in your lonley life & you're desperate for that (I know, I have been that girl). You give because out of the overflow your heart soaks abs because to whom much is given, much is required & you are joyfully aware of all that you have!
This can all sound easy...self righteous even. There are days that I sit in the pit of lonely. Miss something of what was, or hope for what could be, sure! It's easier to keep going through that river rather than drown in it if we are conscious to choose happy, to fulfill... with prayer, a wild flower, sunshine, cloud shapes, a drive, a run, intellectual conversation, a drink, a hug, whatever you need at that moment to re focus on the controllables. I found this truth by faking it until I made it. Practicing happy taught me again how to be so apart from any other.