Sunday, September 17, 2006

Sunday.

So, I've gotten discouraged and then also been reminded that's crap...over the past few months of life on my own as Mindy Spencer, single and livin' alone in small town Vicksburg. I have a great network of people who love me and show it in real ways on an almost daily basis, so...you would think that the parts in life which are mountains would be a little easier, right? Not the case. I'm finding more that those who love me sometimes don't trust the decisions I make as a 26 year old woman and would rather give me their "wiser" encouragement...saying that they just don't want to see me hurt.

Instead of taking this to heart, I took it to God. I went on a little hike since it was a beautiful day and I sat in the solitude of nature with God. It's overwhelming how much one can learn in just a few hours when there are no distractions. I wrote, I got lost...and found and in the end took myself to a Saturday night service at a local church. I participated in the kind of worship that left me feeling ungrateful for being so filled when I was just there trying to bless the Lord...instead, he gave to me. I was reminded that we are to live by the Spirit and not the flesh and asked myself what everyday could look like if I took that more seriously...more literally. Like every minute. What would it look like if at every moment in my day I was using it as a worshipful experience in which I was GIVING my best to God. I'll have to think on that for awhile...it's a good thing.
I went to Barnes and Noble and read up a little on God's will and what it is. It's a confusing thing this will of God. Something that calls us so far out of comfort and so deep into faith. I'm astounded. I'm so in awe of the place that Christ wants us to be and so immobilized at the thought of being completely unprotected and yet COVERED by him all in the same instance. I was reminded that the person of Mindy...filled with Christ has a light burden and an easy yolk. An easy yolk. Yep, I'm not in it alone and He's not just beside me, He's fastened tight and steering my path. Did you know that if two oxen are in a yolk and one is larger than the other the larger one will direct the path such that they will plow a circle. We are to be evenly yolked for this reason...I love that! I love that his yolk is easy...and he's in a yolk with me...he's steering our path but at a pace and size which does not take over, rather it leads...at the same pace I'm at and in the same size I can carry. I LOVE the idea that after repeated "plowings" together the oxen develop stronger muscles together and are able to do more work!

I was also thinking on the idea that those who are starving at some point come to a spot which says to their body they aren't hungry anymore even if food is placed before them. We are like that in our spiritual lives too. If we stop "eating" we loose the appetite which once was SO HUNGRY. We come to a point that says even when opportunities are placed before us they are unappetizing. What is that?! We need to eat. We need to keep our spiritual metabolism up so that we are always energized to do the next task. God knew there would be burdens in life and he knew we'd need Jesus to get us through them. It's like my pastor said in church today,
"God's presence never leaves us. Even when we are doing our daily ins and outs,
he's ALWAYS there. We need only stop and acknowledge Him. We don't need the most
intense worship and the biggest convention for Him to come. He's already there,
just waiting for us to pay him some attention. It's not a feeling, it's an
action."
...ooooh. Good stuff.

So, all of this to say that we must continue to put on the FULL armor of God and be on Guard. People in my life love me and have the best of intentions when they "look out for me", but I need to be at a place that goes beyond their comfort zone for my life. A place that gets away and looks into the eyes of Christ and away from the easy road life could take without even noticing it has done so. I need to have that armor when with the kindest heart I hear "I'm just worried you aren't being honest with yourself." I need to have "eaten" so that those words can be taken with a "Thanks for caring about me" instead of a heart which gets worrisome too...to be the that has His plan in mind and knows with ease rather than timidity that my life is in the hands of Christ...

Saturday, September 02, 2006