Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Desperate.

I'm desperate.
I know with more depth and vivid, rawness just how desperate I am...Everyday. I need Jesus. It struck me last night with a candid moment of grace in which I understood the motion behind my hurry. My quickness to busy myself. And I stopped. I soaked it all in...Became saturated. I overflowed with emotion and realized for once, that it was ok to be that way. I realized that we are all desperate really...it just depends where we focus our desperation that leads our path. This world wants so much for us to think that independence is so good...I don't want to be independent. I want to be self-sufficient maybe...Able to be alone and yet never alone all in the same moment. To love my own company and have a keen awareness of the company which never leaves nor forsakes me. I want to be dependent with a desperation this world would even view as weak. I want to be recklessly abandoned. And...so, I will. ...I am.