Monday, March 27, 2006

Spring...the change which brings life.

So, I'm deciding with a consciousness that is very invasive these days to be positive and to look for the good. I am everyday throwing off the hat which says to be worrysome over things beyond my control, the daisy stuck in there that reads the world loves me not...and smiling. I've found a new ease of prayer. A regular longsuffering that has been bringing me so much peace. I'm finding just how many more little blessings I notice when I choose with a fresh, and keenly alert mind to be thankful for the unknowns and prayerful for that/those which test my patience in life and in the Lord. I love the familiarity of how it feels to be in the midst of such a peacful place when the world seems to be moving so fast underneath me. It seems as though I'm in control of nothing these days...that would drive me crazy if I let it...yes, I'm in control of nothing. AND I LOVE IT.

Broken is not a place I like to be nor a place I like to admit that I am, but at the same time it's a place that I am daily finding comfort in. A re-found weightlessness with the world on my shoulders. I think every girl wants to have a man in her life that sweeps her off her feet...and I love that for now that man is Jesus. I feel him picking me up everyday and showing me things that without him I never would see. Giving me a strength that is almost tangable and a security that only leaves me breathing more deeply in order that I might take more and more in.

When I say that Spring is a change which brings life that's what I mean. Winter the death of fall has been covered and nourished and now is bringing new life to everything around. That's my life...the death of so much in job, my relationship with Adam, stuff with my mom, the stresses of home, so many little things. Then, a sudden and still slow change to something warmer, brighter and for sure more I'm finding life. Kierkegaard said "Now, with God's help, I shall become myself." That's what he's helping me do...and I love the process. I'm loving the lady and more aware that flaws (which are seemingly endless, and being revealed with all too much ease) and all, I'm a beautiful work in progress.