Friday, January 13, 2006

I need Jesus.

Isn't it funny how life goes when you are close to God? How wonderfully chaotic the dance when you're little and you stand on your dad's feet to dance. You're not sure which way to go to keep in step with him, but you trust that he's taking you in the right direction and then when you think you've got the motion down and you try to start out on your own and lead him a little all that happens is your ear gets scraped on his belt buckle or your toes get stepped on. Why? Because he knew the way all along and when you started to lead it didn't mess him up, only you.
So, today I started to write on here and was almost done with a lengthy post of nuggets from the bible that are where I am today when WHAM, my computer encountered an error and went to the dreaded blue screen. I am having another go at it. Not necessarily because someone else needs to read all of these, but because they are doing me good and I need them over and over again. It is humbling to realize with such intense falter how much in need we are, how dependent we strive to be with the Lord in such an independent world. I want it, that's just what I continue to need...surrender and utter reliance on a force far larger than my mind will ever understand in whole.

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." (Col. 1:17)...scratched some time ago on a note stuck in the paper holder on my desk.
2 Corinthians 12:9, "But He said to me,'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (NIV) 1 Corinthians 1:8
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." (NIV) ...funny, I read this one last night and then it appeared this morning in my on-line devotional. The comfort of familiarity blesses me. It's one I've been praying for a LONG time.
I love how well he knows me. Isn't it funny how so much of us wants to be known intimately, but we hide a lot of who we are for one guarded reason or another. He knows me!
"You know my every thought when I am far away. You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am. You know what I'm going to say even before I say it, Lord. ...your hand will guide me and your strength will support me. ...You watched me as I as being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. ...Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. ...And when I wake up in the morning you are still with me. ...Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." (excerpts of Psalm 139)
"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins." (2 Peter 1:5-9)

It is with complete assurance and peace that I am so joyful. So able to be filled with the comfort of Christ that when I am in step with him my steps are perfect. When the timing or direction doesn't make sense or fit what MY plan would be or would have been I can still have comfort that as Max Lucado says "Your plan is perfect. Bewildering, Puzzling, Troubling. But perfect..."

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

todays thought 1/11/06

Colossians 2:8-10, "Don't let anyone lead you astray with empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the evil powers of this world, and not from Christ. For in Christ the fullness of God lives in a human body, and you are complete through your union with Christ. He is the Lord over every ruler and authority in the universe." (NLT)

I was just thinking on this passage that was part of my devotions this morning. Pretty profound. Funny how the bible is that way. LOL. Seriously though, I've had some great discussions lately, but it is disheartening how much of what people say and think is in some way a distortion of the truth. Things might sound good, but they lack any spiriual meat. I'm just so reminded of the importance of God's Word...a still living and relevant piece of not only history but our daily lives. What a blessing that we are not left to reason this world's questions out for ourselves, but that we have a written guide book full of love and discipline just for us.

Thursday, January 05, 2006


Have you ever been so stinkin' mad that when you grit your teeth it's so hard you think they might break? I honestly am a new kind of angry right now. Stop reading if you don't want to hear me complain. OK, so I was covered on my parents insurance still until the end of December (which for the record was 5 days ago). In MAY (yep, 10 months ago) my boss and I discussed this issue when I was signing my papers to start here. It was decided in June that since my insurance was for sure (after my double checking) ending in December I would start on our agency plan Jan. 1. Today when I asked about this my boss said that the papers wouldn't be sent in until the 19th. WHAT! I think she apparently was under the impression that she could get away with this and I wouldn't really say anything about it. I am positive that until I brought it to her attention I would have been uncovered. However, the Lord made me a little fiesty and when I am as angry as I was I don't really have too much of a problem letting whoever is being an idiot realize that they are in such a place. So, I said "I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little bit ticked that this is even an issue since we discussed it way back in JUNE. There is just no reason that this should even be an issue." Her reply "Don't get all upset we'll be calling them right now to see what needs to happen." Then she gave our secretary some crap about how she needed to do whatever it was that needed to be done (because of my bosses lack of follow through). Yeah, at that point I said that I was going up to my office and they could call me if they needed anything from me. I knew that if I stayed even one second longer I may have said a few other choice things that instead I should be telling people that aren't in control of my paycheck. How is it that you can continue as the director of an agency when you can't even keep your own staff in a positive state but you think that it's important to make sure client needs are met? That's not even her job! Her job is to take care of administrative things and leave programs to the people running them. Micro-managing is not only ineffective it is obviously taking away from the foundation that holds an agency together. It ticks me off that everything is last minute with her but she expects us to drop everything to get things done...too often her bad planning makes for a crisis in my schedule. This time is not just a matter of scheduling but also a matter that should something have happened would have been a major issue. She has 4 employees to tend'd think that she would make it a priority to see that they are taken care of in such important areas. I'll say that I for sure do not feel valued here today and now that I am done ranting to a population that can make no changes to this situation I am going to start working on my letter to the board...because they have a little more control. GEESH!