Monday, January 26, 2015

Rant.

This.
I wish we could all just be OK with not being in love with someone the same way they are with us and via versa. Deal with it & keep life moving. At least be loving & care not to waste someone's time. Let them find something real. People are selfish though, aren't we? We want the validation someone could care for us madly, so we float in their goodness, even if we don't reciprocate, we soak it up & take, take, take...and we allow ourselves on the other side to continue giving more goodness than is warranted because we either hope for something bigger, or we care so much about that other person we are for a time OK with giving and giving. It's like The Giving Tree, until only a stump to rest upon remains & we care so much, we're happy for the company.
Y'all. No more settling. No more giving so much without reciprocity. I've got rad friends & family. I'd rather give my giving to them. I love them, they love me. I'd rather read books & take a country drive singing at the top of my lungs alone & create friendships of substance sans romance. Have friend dates, because dates are fun & a reason to dress up is always acceptable to me. This lil' hearts, guarded. It's going to take a mighty man to move from friend to more...and I'm happily content to saturate in all the goodness of conversations with many.  Flirting with quite possibly any...the simple, carefree bliss of security in no more heartbreaks for awhile...especially not over guys who never really got just how amazing I am anyway, even if I put my whole effort into reminding them of their best parts. 

I know I'm getting all ranty, but...It's just...things don't always have to lead to something. The single world post 30 is weird & either thirsty for a relationship or so happy to hop from one body to the next a relationship can't ever form, nor is really wanted in many cases. Why would you want responsibility & accountability when easy is so widely available? Can we just be friends? Is that like a thing? Can we flirt & treat each other like we're the shit and not bang...or maybe bang but still not have expectations until there are actual big feelings (I get it, we shouldn't bang without feelings... sometimes feelings are relevant even if they aren't "Omg, Marry me!" & sometimes, you just want to bang & with someone you care about, not a dickweed moving from body to body, using life & the people in it to fill & fill some place that can't be filled... I have no judgements, you make your choices, I make mine). Can we be adults & have respectful adult conversations? Make our wants unashamedly known & own our choices, good, bad, or otherwise? Give people room to do the same?

Be loving. Even if we aren't in love...
Is that a thing? Am I the only one who just wishes we could be authentic more often about where we are, even if that's different from one another? If we really care we'll catch up, or spread appropriate wings & really isn't caring what matters? Like, making someone fit a role we want for them which they may not want isn't caring, nor is playing the part of some role because you want the benefits.

Inspiration for this rant bright to you by:

Loving or In love?

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

My dearest village...

Thought catalogue has done it again! So much goodness in hindsight. I'm thankful for being a late bloomer in the dating world & for the adventures with my lifelong DGB girls, friends since middle & high school & all of the amazing, completely platonic gay & straight male friends who live with respect for friendship & for me. I'll be honest, I'm a lil' misty thinking on such bountiful blessings regardless of how romance has turned out or will turn out. It's good to know and like yourself well & to have a huge group of people who remind me in their strong relationships that it's possible to find the right thing & also that if I don't it's possible to be happy & carefree with a future void of steady companionship- that the zeal for life and hunger for experience isn't only quenched with the picture of what growing old "should" look like, rather in living every day from now till then complete in the vulnerability and comfort of friends & family. There's not much such intensely deep relationships lack that any single person needs. Thanks for being people who help ward off desideratum with texts, calls, unexpected snail mail, hugs, flowers, offers to take out the trash, set the clocks back, blow up the air mattress, answer the phone in the wee hours of the night & let my heartbreak be ugly in front of you...clear your schedules & drive hours to spend just a little time in the comfort of longevity that our friendship has afforded us in life. I honestly couldn't be happily single without most of you... It takes a village to let the one who is alone settle into life lacking lonely. Man, I'm one very lucky girl to have y'all!

Sometimes tears and sad come on like a flash flood because it's normal for loss to stick with you. I've had moments in the last three years that I didn't know if I cared to "keep swimming" & lacked direction, purpose, care for much of anything. I've looked the loss of my faith & much of the stability it afforded in the face & although I've not & probably never will have that part of life comfortably at peace, it's not so ugly & neither am I in the way the anger of losing that manifests itself. Disappointment has taught me that hope is profound & expectations are unfair... usually self serving. Losing in love has honed the ability to listen to my gut & that it's OK to be selfish in some ways. Steadfast friends have truly taught me unconditional in a way I didn't understand I was worthy of. So, thanks. It's such a small word but certainly carries a depth of gratitude I can't express another way.

Sound thoughts at any age of single. Anyone have more to add or want to remind me why I'm awesome for the days I would really like to hear it from someone other than myself?

Thought catalogue inspiration:
http://thoughtcatalog.com/koty-neelis/2015/01/17-older-women-on-the-one-thing-they-wish-they-knew-about-dating-in-their-20s/

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Today I wrote more cutting words than I normally allow. Anger is an emotion I prefer to keep in check, certainly not one I share publicly... my counselor challenged me to write the stuff I'd been protecting & share it if I was able. I found some uglies and have them wings. So angry about so many huge, huge can't ever be the same things.

It felt good to say my peace, but really. we all have faults and mine are many- I try to live out the consistency of grace.  Although it was a release, it threw off my whole equilibrium. I felt sick most of the day & concentration was hard. Sure that stuff has changed me & hurts deeply, but there's good to find in everything. I'm a better, less judgmental person.

It was a prudent exercise, but I prefer the positive remain my focus. I don't want to become someone who allows often an unbridled tongue. I'd quite rather remain a woman with a voice who says ny peace & lets it be done. Words have value and finding fault is a dime. I'd rather say the good if I may... Even if the cost to me is great. I don't want to perpetuate hate. My mom gave my Dad plenty of ammunition to retaliate with absolutely warranted fuel. He just didn't. Rarely if ever did he speak bad of her although she tore our world apart. I want to be that way. I respect that far more than i would've the opposite. I'll dig for the harder stuff to say because life's really better giving good away.

Right now. I'll be honest, I'm really sad, but there's a whole lot more life out there waiting for me & I'm not missing a second more in the gray place. The deeper you go, the harder it is to climb out, so- fake it till ya make it. I know that the real joy will follow if I just keep pushing through this tough stuff.

Tomorrow's brand new & one of these days the smile will be real again. It'll just happen all in its own because that's what if feed & that's what will grow.

Goodnight.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=26U_seo0a1g&feature=youtu.be

Masquerades N' Game

You need to sleep with virgins when you're terrible in bed.
I could fuck a porn star and still give him something he ain't had.

Took my first kiss, my virgin everything was yours. Held out for my "dream".
Treated my treasure like trash-
waiting to hear if it's cancer, you left, didn't check back
Called me slut for being pretty... Even though you were my only-
could've lived like you from the pulpit.
Pretend.
Ugly.

Eat a whole damn buffet, preach on moderation. nah-
eat a dick
You & your masquerade make me
Sick
Better pay those unclaimed taxes quick.
Lie to me
can't fool
Uncle Sam.
Maybe she'll be less of a bitch than I
am.
Void of real, you fester in wishes
stripped this girl of all innocent
Intentions
Took my naïvetay
-and-
God
away
You'll be asked of Him about that someday.
He's not the monster you paint
Rules, regulations, controlling saint
I'm not the worthless bride
ever steadfast at your lazy side.

Masks & smoke & mirrors
Bastard men with no leaders
Speak of love
Act in self
No idea what this emotions about
Walking through life protecting yourself

You need intimacy with everyone-
can't stand to be alone, dry, unquenchable
soul
incomplete.
Not whole.
-I-
could be an island of one, knowing the gift-
true value
of my own company.
Not thirsty for someone to complete me.
Whole
even in my insecurities.

First Jennelle, next Emily,
then...
I still had love after the pain
a case of the dumbs-
we tried...
again-
you couldn't commit
still.
I knew I loved you
tried harder
counseling-
We survived.
Aphton, Gwen & Leila too... No physical with any, this I believed. Still wasn't your all
This I deserved & need(ed)...
Keisha's my latest heart enemy- unquenchable hunger you must feed.
gave you even more,
let you see it all
raw
Me
to
the
core.
Thought you could love-
maybe you can...
you're just not a one woman man.

Teammate, nah-
Ex you choose to speak
So ex you have
&
the story will go
On to the next
is all you know
Best friend?
Could've been.

Love doesn't always win
shouldn't have to be a fight
number one is a person's right
Choose yourself
or
choose another
to succeed love must be the latter
actions lived out
self sacrifice,
Protection
is
love manifest
Unconditional, yes-
Eventually
With longevity
Of care
For Me
never
second-
best

I can...
stay.
Someday.
I will.
Maybe there are more lessons- still?
I'll learn there are men who do what they say,
say what they do.
live a life holy, wholly true
think of me in all they do
protect that prize
although-
it wasn't either of you.

Masks & smoke & mirrors
Bastard men with no leaders
Speak of love
Act in self
No idea what this emotions about
Walking through life protecting yourself.

I don't hate, nor fault you for this
never been taught
what love is
If I could've taught you I would, maybe I have...
and.
In the absence of real, it's something you'll now
be?
Teaching love is tricky
for...
by default I'm a student too.
It's hard when all you can give
is
love for you-
so
I
gave
-and-
you took
Which is why I couldn't stay.
To teach love true...
Be unconditional.
For you can only give
so much
if
no one is also filling your cup.
It's my hope
that we've left more balanced than we came
&
that we can be better people- from this pain.
If not.
It's all in vain.
Just-

Masks & smoke & mirrors-
people with no leaders
Speak of love
Act in self
If I stayed,
I feared to become.
unlearn Pop's best teaching-
go around hurting every. one.
No idea what this emotions about
Walking through life protecting myself.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Sad day but I've come a long way.

I like, nay love, my life these days.  Mostly because I create a life I love! Since separating in June a couple years ago & going through the odd navigation of a divorce, I've learned so much & although it was some damn hard work I'd never want to wish on someone... Here on the other side I'm so light hearted & absolutely stronger.

I've always been "bubbly" and someone who easily gives from a selfless place. That selflessness has been my largest obstacle to understand and overcome in life I think. It's certainly a blessing to be vulnerable, giving and kind... but sometimes that's come at the cost of my own wants, needs and happiness. I never understood how giving could be a bad thing. Giving is who I am. I found a lot of my identity in being a giver. What do you do when that's gone or how do you still feel valued changing who you are? You love yourself. That's how.

You know, nature explains a lot I think in understanding bigger life concepts. Giving blood is life saving. It's great to give blood, but you only give as much as is still healthy and safe for your own body. Giving more would make you sick, or dead. You only give when your body is healthy & if you've had something majorly impacting happen, you must wait before you can give to ensure what you're giving is healthy for the recipient. I don't know if you've ever given blood, but when I do, if the nurse can't get the vein or is hurting me, I'm only going to let them do that a couple times before I ask for someone else to try, or decide today isn't the day to give. I'm not going to keep letting them hurt me when I'm trying to do something good. One time I didn't do that & I swear I have permenant nerve damage... Also something to parallel... If we don't speak up & set our boundaries it can cause long term damage. Not necessarily because the other person intended harm or is harmful to everyone...I'm sure that nurse does a fine job, just not the right fit for helping me.

That's when I realized. I was in life giving too much & because of it I was unhealthy. I had given beyond myself and in the process made myself sick, possibly even nearly dead. Today, I'm more likely to cut people out of my life who hurt me. I'm more likely to put boundaries in place that protect my happy, even if it means not giving to provide happy for someone else. This would have made me feel so selfish before! It's not selfish to take care of yourself. You can't help others if you don't do that! Why do you think on planes you're told to put your own mask on before helping others should there be an emergency?

Oh, I still give...I just give within healthy limits that don't sacrifice myself fully to do so. Hard, hard lesson to learn. I think my marriage would've been much different if I were more aware of that fault in myself. Not that it would've been saved... There were more things going on there that aren't necessary to go into.  It's a balance, people have also got to be self aware to not take more than they are replenishing in relationships as well, if they aren't that's where talks of needs come in and these boundaries if respectful changes aren't fulfilled. After two years it's freeing to own mistakes and also be a stronger more confident woman who sews goodness into the world with more realistic colored glasses.

Here's to you friends, who build me up and let me lean when I need to, who are there no matter the time of day and for whom I have gotten the blessing of doing the same for. I enjoy knowing my existence is needed by others sometimes and I'm so lucky to have the network of awesome that I do from coast to cost.

Just a little happy to think on in the midst of some loss and chaos these days. XoXo

Saturday, July 05, 2014

Ramblings

Rarely do I wish to be a Mom. It's something for a long time that I wanted most (not necessarily to birth a child, but to be a mom), then it kind of just settled in me that for this time in life it's not at all a good fit & I'm happy with it no matter how indefinite this time table.  I think a part of me wanted to prove that I could do it well... like my mom when we were little...but with the consistent love to carry it through to adulthood, like my Dad. Maybe seeing my sister get her stuff together and get it right settles it some? To her defense, she had a good hand in raising me & I feel it completely normal she needed some of her adult years to make some childish decisions. She's turned into an amazing mom and wife...even for all the things we just don't see eye to eye on. I digress...

Rarely do I want to be in charge of anyone other than myself daily. When something pings that womanly mom spot...I stop, give thanks for the cool friend/family in my world who's doing it right that gave me this thought, I let myself have that weighty grief which let's other losses float to the top for a second too... and I pray to a God I often question more than easily commune with.

I don't even know that I believe in His existence or presence on many days. I believe in something, sure, just giving that one exclusive name and set of ideas from a body of people who dedicate their lives to a book most have never read in full...I digress again.

I say this to say, I have some awesome (in this case) women in my life who are doing it right & it just bubbled some thankful up in me that I needed to get out. Someday that thankful will come with less grief I think and even less explanation, but for today... It's the whole shabang & I'm OK with that too.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

All the single ladies.

It's a whole different ball game to be where I am after having relationships of meaning. I know it's harder without that perspective. There are loads of blessings in single life I couldn't understand before.

It's so so good, amazing and very hard to give words to the peace & perfection in being happy with myself and only myself. Whole. Uninterrupted by the cares of another's expectation of me. I've never been happier...certainly not with someone. Never so confident or driven. Never so secure that the goals I have are worthwhile & won't be put on hold, because I'm excited to nurture them into greatness unimpeded by the direction a man has in mind for my life!

The most pivotal change in my  contentment came in a tiny moment leaving a movie theater with a simple question...

"If you never were to get that which you desire most, how will life be blessed & fulfilled?" I realized sometimes we put our biggest goals and aspirations on the hinge of something completely out of our control. God knows the desires of our hearts, we needn't keep them on our minds. We are free to then find our happy & in that place... you'll know when you're there, there are no questions, no "is this it?"... we find that our single goodness is SO good. It's easy to trust if the uncontrollables are meant to be, they will be... and that alllll the little things have become the big things. The things you build a life around, the things that drive you & give fresh breath to everyday!

It's then that learning about ourselves becomes thrilling.

We are free to love ourselves, to own our faults & to keep loving our beautiful, imperfect, spunky, strong, femine selves & when we love like that we will not tolerate relationships that offer any less, because we have the very best thing going already!

The even cooler byproduct of this is that not only are we not seeking another...when a possibility comes, we recognize this same love of self in him & if he doesn't have that, the desperation is glaringly obvious, a total turn off. We know we can't fill what they are missing because they are restless yet in their skin.

If nearly ever single male who is slightly attractive sparks a, "Hmmm?"...KEEP GOING in single, don't pause & absolutely DO NOT STOP. I'm convinced that as the "Hmmm" fades, the real worthwhile ones will spark an, "Ah-Ha!"

It's simply put:
I love cheesecake. I used to eat any old cheese cake, often... because it's so good.  Then. I had Juniors cheesecake from New York. I didn't eat cheesecake for years after I had that because I knew it wouldn't compare. It becomes like that! You want nothing from meeting another except possibly what you can learn to become even better by knowing them, and you want to give of yourself. Not because it keeps people in your lonley life & you're desperate for that (I know, I have been that girl). You give because out of the overflow your heart soaks abs because to whom much is given, much is required & you are joyfully aware of all that you have!

This can all sound easy...self righteous even. There are days that I sit in the pit of lonely. Miss something of what was, or hope for what could be, sure! It's easier to keep going through that river rather than drown in it if we are conscious to choose happy, to fulfill... with prayer, a wild flower, sunshine, cloud shapes, a drive, a run, intellectual conversation, a drink, a hug, whatever you need at that moment to re focus on the controllables. I found this truth by faking it until I made it. Practicing happy taught me again how to be so apart from any other.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

To be fortified.

I’ve been thinking on a lot lately.  Challenged.  It’s both good and oh so very humbling. So much is going just how I would want it to in life. School, the hardest class by far of my college career (don’t know it’s so much the class as the teaching myself in the online course-that’s just not how I learn)…I’m one week away from that A! I have earned every point of that baby and I’m determined to keep it.  Work is going so much better than it had been pre-core training. I’m so thankful and way less stressed, plus I feel confident, then there’s being single…

For the first time, I think ever in my life I am content with my singleness. I enjoyed my single life post college and pre marriage (I say this time-frame, because prior to that I just didn’t really care too much about dating, there were way cooler things going on in life and I was not confident and even a little shy when it came to romance) but I wasn’t ok with it. I was so expectant and hopeful of something great. I thought about it and planned an unknown into my future as though it were going to happen.  I don’t think I knew how to deal with my first real heartache and I honestly think I rushed getting married. There are a lot of lessons there that are not the point of my thoughts tonight.  Regardless, I’m here now and it looks a lot different with so many lessons behind me.

After I went to see Son of God (by myself in the theater…He’s good y’all), I was walking to my car, still sobbing and it was one of those moments where you just feel so small. Not small in a way that’s unimportant but small in a way that realizes how vastly important you are and how little you are doing with it sometimes. I tend to focus on the best things anymore and let the little things go more easily than I did there for a while. I wish I had learned that sooner, I think my marriage would have been better.  As much as I got angry at Nick for, I certainly had my faults as well. The positive is that I’m certain he and Kendra will have something awesome for the lessons we both came away with…and I pray his hurt from those lessons heals as mine is.  It sucks to know someone has had time walking around earth with a heavy brokenness that you contributed to.  Thankfully my God is bigger and He’s re-teaching me His greatness.  It’s so much more grace than I deserve. Gah! I digress again, He’s good…it’s easy to get sidetracked.

So, I walked out, wind crisp but warmer than it’s been in a while, feeling small, salty cheeks from crying and I got a challenge, “Mindy, if being single is what I have for you right now and on my time, am I enough?” It literally made me stop for a second, I stood there, took a deep breath of that springtime renewal in the air in and made that next step intentionally.  I’ve missed being a wife in so many ways. Parts because I know that I would do so much better, because I’m better.  It has hurt to think of an indefinite time-frame where a dream just lives and doesn’t come true.  Ya know, that’s somethin’ though…to have a peace about just being me. I am coming to better understand that He is enough because although that dream lives, it doesn’t consume me with some sadness of loss.  That can happen when there’s uncontrollable variables. (Like school, I am confident that if I put the work in I will get the A, losing weight, I’m confident if I find the self-discipline I’ve lacked as of late, I’ll lose the weight that I hate so much…I can control these things, they are easy to trust in because I know how to make what I want happen.) 

Relationships aren’t that way, maybe that’s why they can be hard? You know, when I was dumber I think I thought that there was an idea of something that I wanted and that Nick looked like that idea and it was easy to think this as we dated long distance and never lived in the same city before getting married (PS, don’t ever do that. It’s just…not smart in my experience.), then when we married and things didn’t align it was upsetting, I wanted him to look like the thought of him I had and when he didn’t it was ugly.  This is why I sometimes say I didn’t love him like a wife needs to love a husband. I didn’t know him, I knew what I wanted him to be. I’ve learned better what it means to love someone for who THEY are.  It’s a way cooler kind of love…I think it’s cooler pretty much in every part of life when we do something beyond ourselves. That’s why I need Jesus. He does things through me that I didn’t know were possible. I can love more people just for who they are, not for what I see they could be (although, I’m a cheerleader in life by nature and I’m always going to root for people to do and be the best them that they can), not for what I want them to be, but for who THEY are and who they want themselves to be. The side product of this is that I get that same grace too. I think sometimes I wanted to be what Nick wanted me to be, I even think (in part, absolutely not in whole) I put more blame on him for that change than I should because I did wanted to make him proud…but the person I thought he wanted was not me. I didn’t align with a lot of thoughts and I didn’t want to dress this way or that and a multitude of other rules types of things that in the end rumpled me and left a shell of something not cute at all.  Maybe that’s some weakness in me at the time…maybe, but there is some part of trusting the man as a leader that allowed a bit of change as I think it should.  Not just any man, my husband whom I married with full faith of character.  Again off track…

So, I was challenged. I was challenged to start thinking differently, really, to think more selfishly in some ways.  How is my life going to be more fulfilling without the unknown in the equation?  What do I want to do and go and see and be?  Can I let Jesus care for me with all the love and awesomeness that a “someone, someday” could?  I think so.  It’s cool to have the challenge of figuring out what I want. Of saying no matter who comes into my world, me and God are making this story and I’m really content with it.  I’m happy to have a date or whatever if they come along and I’m interested. Overall though, this new thought process is more exciting, it’s like…God knows the desire of my heart, I don’t have to factor that in, I can let Him be in charge and whatever happens, happens. If someone is interesting, cool, follow my gut, if not, follow my gut. We’ll see how this goes over a longer period of time…I think it’s going to be pretty amazing! So, this new thought process has given me the travel bug. Relationships make me happy and I want to see those I love and get hugs that I don’t have to let go of until I’m good and ready (those don’t happen much in your adult life unless you’ve got a special someone…and those are really important to me).  ((****Special thank you to Chad Hilligus whom I got to (see) hug for the first time in about 7 years and immediately became all teary and he just let me keep hugging and said, “Awe, don’t ever let go.” That filled up so much for me.  I needed a cry hug that didn’t have a timeframe…he was a gracious friend and all those old, college buddy, we did life together every day for so long, things fell right back into place although life is so very different from where either of us left off last in a face to face catch up.****)) 

You guys, I’m going to be ok. I’m not just saying this until I believe it…like I have been for quite a while…I’m going to be ok, for real. Opportunities are going to keep happening to make me the best me and challenge who I am in Christ and grow me and stretch me and help me trust so many things I don’t right now, including God himself and the certainty of such.  I’m excited about losing weight, not because it’s fun…it still sucks and I hate running because I’ll always be a fat kid at heart that would rather have a book and a beach than some winded lungs and legs that weigh a million pounds from lack of oxygen as I pound them on the pavement or treadmill with a couple hundred pounds of force. Hahah, for real, can you tell I love it so much? (Insert sarcasm there) I don’t love it but I didn’t last time I started running either and I grew to 5 miles a few times a week out of sheer desire…and THAT? Well, that I ended up both loving and missing when I didn’t do it…I’ll get there again, and maybe even farther? I have something to prove to me about discipline in a lot of areas, food and working out are only one.  When I meet someone again, not having sex is another (also a reason to not really care who comes along…that ain’t gon’ be easy y’all. I’m honest, I like sex…I’m just saying.) I’m absolutely being reminded of the value in my body, regardless of the fact that I’m not a virgin and I won’t have what I gave Nick to ever give another man.  Sex and the value is not a topic I really even want to delve deeper in with er’body because I’m a lil’ bitter in that topic still for various reasons and well, that’s just something I’m working on. I think the only way to get beyond that is to know in a relationship that a man values me enough to wait, without pressure but with a clear desire…if that makes any kind of sense.  We want to be desired, huh? Okay, maybe if you’re a prude you don’t.  I do and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I want to know that a man is attracted to me and as a woman, I want to be pursued.  I’m learning how to have that look more balanced than it has. 

Yowsa this is long, way longer than I anticipated as I really should have gone to the store for fruit for breakfast…Meh, tomorrow will have to have a different plan, it’s late and I’m so happy to go to church! I started this whole thing because of the moment coming out of the movie yes, but also because of the verse this week for “She Reads Truth”.  I’ve been thinking on dry bones (a bible study Judi and I did one time) and how we’re weaker with dry bones till we break and die…I don’t want to be weak and I’m doing things beyond myself (because I just can’t, not by myself…I think it’s strong to admit that) to be strong spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally. Isiah 58:11,
 “And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.” 
How perfect is that for where I am? #thankful #humbled #blessed


This may be my favorite place yet, although it’s much harder than the easy place of faith in my youth, it’s…dirtier in a way that give new life like fresh soil. Amen that He makes ALL things new.     
Oceans- Hillsong United (Listen...it's completely my favorite...)
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine